Freethinking Upstart

I use the word God in casual conversation.

I wouldn't tell anybody but a fellow atheist that I am an atheist in the real world.

I pretend to pray if I'm at a simcha or happen to be at some other gathering where people are praying. Most people space out during davening. I think about how ridiculous this whole thing is.

I go through the parsha on Shabbat sometimes, though I never go to shul.

Whenever people ask me about my beliefs, I try to steer the conversation elsewhere. I hate talking about my beliefs to people, partially because the pain of losing religion suddenly starts choke holding my memory and I wouldn't want that pain for anyone and partially because I know that most people think there is something wrong with you if you aren't religious or don't believe in God.

I used to be a Na Nach, Boreynunick, misnagid granick, yeshivishe, Hirshian, neturei karta, zionist, modernish, hareidi, Torah and Sciencenick, Emunah Peshutanick, leftist, conservative, heimishe, conservadoxish, bochur, baal habus all at he same time!

Ok, that last one was a lie.

How do I expect to spread the good news of free thought if I don't think freely in public? Oh well, I guess I'll have to save that for another lifetime. Or maybe I'll just use the internet to spread the gospel... This way you can read it if you like, but if you don't then you can always go check our Harry Maryles's blog or DovBear for some Kugel.

The thing about free thought is that it's free. People don't want things that are free. Honestly... when a person is locked up in a cage, and you suddenly give it freedom... If this person was told for his or her entire life, since this person was but a young child, that the outside world is an immoral, vacuous, free fall... If this person wanted to be locked up, then there is very little chance that he/she will want to walk out of the cage, or even if he does want to leave, he'll stay because this is who and what she's always known.

There's nothing wrong with that. If you were forced to be free, now that wouldn't be very free would it? Don't let anyone tell you differently.

But why keep your mind locked up? Why force your brain to believe things that aren't true? If your lifestyle is such that you like it the way it is, why won't you, at the very least, free your mind?